Christmas 2011

Christmas 2011

On Christmas day, 2011 I was a joke. I was an embarrassment from start to finish.

This is a little story that shows how naïve I was. I am gullible anyway. But this is me at my most gullible.

Christmas morning

This was a happy time for me and my future wife as we had recently had our second baby girl. Despite having a baby (few months old) and a toddler, my Christmas routine would not be broken.

At 0930 me and my little family went down my Grandma’s (Duffy side). This was to exchange gifts like any normal family. It was also to have a few cans of lager, a chaser (whisky) and sausage stuffing – not really normal at 0930 but that was our routine.

As my future wife was being a responsible parent – she stayed sober all day. She was not happy – but we will come to that later.

The club

5-6 drinks in and it is time to go to the club. Me and my cousin rock into the club at 1100 as usual on Christmas day. It was our routine.

We are downstairs having a few games of snooker. This is before going upstairs to watch the turn (or comedian).

After a few more drinks, I am well on my way. This is when my day turns South.

Not really paying attention one of my closest friends (Seamus) hands me a scratch card. Although I considered this particular friend to be family, he is also a horrible man! You will realise why very shortly.

Everyone is having a good time. The drinks are flowing and everyone is tearing into each other as blokes do.

There is a lull in the crack, and I start scratching my scratch card. As I finish scratching, my heart starts to race. No fucking way!

I had only won £20,000. Instead of being discreet about it, I got very excited! I cuddled Seamus and told him about the win – more like shouted as I was too excited. I even made the statement, ‘this will go towards buying a rental.’ I made many more statements similar to this … my reaction was embarrassing.

How do I claim the prize? This was because the scratch cards had been bought at the club. Alarm bells should have been ringing …

I even went to the bar to see how to claim the prize. I felt ten feet tall as I strode over to the bar. The bar lady had no idea what I was talking about. It started to stink in.

I looked at the back of the scratch card and it was clear it was a prank. It even said, ‘How could you fall for this scam you wolly,’ or something along them lines.

As I walked back to the snooker tables, the 25-30 lads were howling. I felt about four feet at this stage.

I was bright red and had to sit there and take the abuse. I got annihilated for being so gullible. To be fair, for being so naïve I deserved the abuse.

I would like to say I got Seamus back, but I didn’t bother. I took it on the chin and put it down to stupidity and a lesson learned. With certain friends, you need to stand guard. You have to be aware of the friends who like a prank or practical joke. Plus, I knew that if I started to retaliate, Seamus would keep going and it would go too far.

Things got worse

The comedian finished at 2 p.m. and I was having my dinner by 3 p.m. Future Mrs D was fuming as I was very merry.

We had dinner at mine and then it was down to the better half’s sisters for Christmas tea.

I continued to enjoy myself. Swearing away. Far too loud and not paying any attention to my little family. Future Mrs D was not happy!

The last straw came when I fell asleep. Not only did I fall asleep, but I feel asleep whilst feeding my 3-month-old daughter.

This was like throwing a red flag to a bull. Future Mrs D erupted and we had an argument in front of her family.

She has always schooled me in arguments, and this was no different. My ego didn’t like this so as usual, I finished it with some words I would later regret.

Enough was enough. I was ready to get out of there. Until I had my now Mother-in law in tears asking me to stay.

I stayed and spent the rest of the night sulking in the kitchen.

Lessons learned

This was an awful Christmas and wasn’t repeated. After 2011, I remembered what Christmas was all about. It’s about family. Most importantly in my case, it’s about my wife and kids.

I learned that drinking too much can cloud your judgement. I made a fool of myself because I was too pissed. I was too pissed to realise a prank I should have seen a mile off. And I was too pissed to feed my 3-month-old daughter.

I also learned that it is good to have a laugh at yourself. I don’t take myself too seriously and I don’t mind if I am the brunt of the joke.

After the year everyone has had, I hope anyone who reads DUFFMONEY has an amazing Christmas in 2020! With 2011 firmly behind me, I’ll be trying to make it special for my little squad.

Picture: https://ncar.org.uk/christmas-at-ncar/

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